3545 
WI5S 


Walker 
Sir  David  wears  a  crown 


THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 
OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 

GIFT  OF 

Professor  Ralph  Seals 


SIR  DAVID 

WEARS 
A  CROWN 


BY 


STUART  WALKER 


STEWART  KIDD 

MODERN  PLAYS 

EDITED  BY 
FRANK  SHAY 


Stewart  Kidd  Play  Series 

The  Portmanteau  Plays 

By  STUART  WALKER 

Edited  and  with  an  introduction  by  Edward  Hale  Bierstadt 


Brooklyn  Eagle:  "All  of  the  plays  in  these  attractive  maroon 
volumes  are  literary  without  being  pedantic,  and  dramatic 
without  being  noisy.  They  are  a  genuine  addition  to  the 
steadily  growing  list  of  worthwhile  plays  by  American  drama 
tists.  Stewart  Kidd  are  to  be  congratulated  on  presenting 
them  to  the  public  in  such  attractive  format." 


Vol.   i — Portmanteau  Plays 

Introduction 

The  Trimplet 

Nevertheless 

Six  Who  Pass  While  the  Lentils  Boil 

Medicine  Show 

Vol.  2 — More  Portmanteau  Plays 

Introduction 

The  Lady  of  the  Weeping  Willow  Tree 

The  Very  Naked  Boy 

Jonathan  Makes  a  Wish 

Vol.  3 — Portmanteau  Adaptations 

Introduction 

Gammer  Gurton's  Needle 

The  Birthday  of  the  Infanta 

Sir  David  Wears  a  Crown 

Nellijumbo 

Each  of  the  above  volumes  handsomely  bound  and  illus 
trated.  Per  volume  net,  in  Silk  Cloth,  $2.50;  ^  Turkey 
Morocco,  $8.50, 


STEWART  KIDD  MODERN  PLAYS 
Edited  by  Frank  Shay 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 


Stewart  Kidd  Play  Series 

The  Portmanteau  Plays 

By  STUART  WALKER 

Edited  and  with  an  introduction  by  Edward  Hale  Bierstadt 


Brooklyn  Eagle:  "All  of  the  plays  in  these  attractive  maroon 
volumes  are  literary  without  being  pedantic,  and  dramatic 
without  being  noisy.  They  are  a  genuine  addition  to  the 
steadily  growing  list  of  worthwhile  plays  by  American  drama 
tists.  Stewart  Kidd  are  to  be  congratulated  on  presenting 
them  to  the  public  in  such  attractive  format." 


Vol.   i — Portmanteau  Plays 

Introduction 

The  Trimplet 

Nevertheless 

Six  Who  Pass  While  the  Lentils  Boil 

Medicine  Show 

Vol.  2 — More  Portmanteau  Plays 

Introduction 

The  Lady  of  the  Weeping  Willow  Tree 

The  Very  Naked  Boy 

Jonathan  Makes  a  Wish 

Vol.  3 — Portmanteau  Adaptations 

Introduction 

Gammer  Gurton's  Needle 

The  Birthday  of  the  Infanta 

Sir  David  Wears  a  Crown 

Nellijumbo 

Each  of  the  above  volumes  handsomely  bound  and  illus 
trated.  Per  volume  net,  in  Silk  Cloth,  $2.50;  ^  Turkey 
Morocco,  $8.50. 


SIR  DAVID 
WEARS  A  CROWN 


BY 

STUART  WALKER 

Author  of  Portmanteau  Plays  and  More  Portmanteau  Plays 
and  Portmanteau  Adaptations 


CINCINNATI 

STEWART  KIDD  COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS 


COPYRIGHT,  1922,  BY 
STEWART  KIDD  COMPANY 


All  Rights  Reserved 
COPYRIGHT  IN  ENGLAND 


This  play  is  fully  protected  by  copyrights.  All  public 
performances  are  forbidden.  All  dramatic  and  produc 
ing  rights  are  retained  by  Stuart  Walker,  who  may  be 
addressed  at  304  Carnegie  Hall,  New  York  City. 


TS 
3545 


MURAT  THEATRE,  INDIANAPOLIS,  JUNE  24, 


THE  FIRST  PERFORMANCE  OF 

SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

A  Play  in  One  Act 
(A  Sequel  to  Six  WHO  PASS  WHILE  THE  LENTILS  BOIL) 


PROLOGUE  TO  THE  PERFORMANCE  .  .Tom  Powers 

THE  PROLOGUE Edwin  Noel 

THE  DEVICE-BEARER James  Morgan 

YOU-IN-THE-AUDIENCE  .  .  .  .  You  and  Others 


THE  POPULATION Aldrich  Bowker 

THE  SOLDIERY John  Wray 

THE  MIME Oscar  Davisson 

THE  MILKMAID Helen  Burch 

THE  BLINDMAN Walter  Vonnegut 

THE  BALLAD-SINGER Stuart  Walker 

THE  KING'S  TRUMPETER Oakley  Richey 

His  MAJESTY,  THE  KING George  Somnes 

THE  KING'S  COUNCILLOR Robert  McGroarty 

THE  KING'S  GREAT-AUNT Elizabeth  Patterson 

THE  HEADSMAN , McKay  Morris 

HER  MAJESTY,  THE  QUEEN Judith  Lowry 

SIR  DAVID  LITTLE-BOY Robert  Masters 

His  MOTHER Blanche  Yurka 

Scenery  designed  by  Stuart  Walker  and  Oakley  Richey.  Cos 
tumes  by  Frank  J.  Zimmerer  and  Wilmot  Heitland.  Properties  by 
Frank  J.  Zimmerer. 


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SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

A  PLAY  IN  ONE  ACT 

(A  SEQUEL  TO  Six  WHO  PASS  WHILE  THE 
LENTILS  BOIL) 

AN  OUTLINE  OF  Six  WHO  PASS  WHILE  THE 
LENTILS  BOIL 

While  the  Boy  watches  boiling  lentils  for  his  Mother, 
six  people  pass:  The  condemned  Queen,  whom  he 
promises  to  hide  until  after  the  hour  set  for  her 
decapitation;  the  Mime,  who  tempts  him  to  leave 
his  duty,  the  Milkmaid,  who  tells  him  of  the 
reward  offered  for  the  Queen  and  makes  him  wish 
he  had  not  made  a  promise',  the  Blindman,  who 
shows  him  why  it  is  best  to  keep  a  promise;  the 
Ballad-Singer,  who  would  rather  wander  all  his 
life  than  break  a  promise;  and  the  dreadful 
Headsman  who,  outwitted  by  the  Boy,  finds  the 
Queen  too  late.  Her  Majesty  gratefully  knights 
Sir  David  Little-Boy  and  takes  him  in  state  to 
the  Kings  castle.  He  is  free  to  go,  because  by 
this  time  the  lentils  have  boiled.  He  has  done  his 
duty  and  he  has  kept  his  promise. 


CHARACTERS 

THE  PROLOGUE 
THE  DEVICE-BEARER 
YOU-IN-THE-AUDIENCE 


THE  POPULATION 
THE  SOLDIERY 
THE  MIME 
THE  MILKMAID 
THE  BLINDMAN 
THE  BALLAD-SINGER 
THE  KING'S  TRUMPETER 
His  MAJESTY,  THE  KING 
THE  KING'S  COUNCILLOR 
HER  HIGHNESS,  THE  KING'S  GREAT- 
AUNT 

THE  HEADSMAN 
HER  MAJESTY,  THE  QUEEN 
SIR  DAVID  LITTLE-BOY 
His  MOTHER 

The  scene  is  a  gateway  to  the  King's  Castle. 
The  time  is  when  you  will. 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

(The  Prologue  and  the  Device-Bearer  enter.} 

PROLOGUE 

I  am  the  Prologue.  He  is  the  Device-Bearer. 
I  am  here  to  tell  you  about  the  play  that  hides 
behind  these  curtains.  He  serves  the  simple 
purpose  of  balancing  me  as  a  decoration. 
(The  Prologue  claps  his  hands  and  the  Device- 
Bearer  sits  at  the  side  of  the  stage  and  henceforth 
is  nothing  more  than  a  small  part  of  the  picture.) 
It  is  possible  that  something  difficult  may  creep 
into  this  simple  play.  If  there  is  anything  you 
do  not  understand  I  shall  be  glad  to  explain  it 
to  you. 

YOU  (in  audience) 

While  the  play  is  going* on? 

PROLOGUE 
Of  course. 

YOU 

That  will  be  disturbing. 

PROLOGUE 

Why?  If  one  must  talk  in  the  theater  every 
body  ought  to  be  allowed  to  hear. 
Now  the  interesting  thing  about  this  play  is 
that  it  isn't  true  at  all.  It  is  all  make-believe. 
Nobody  in  it  ever  was,  and,  unless  you  do  your 
part,  no  one  in  it  ever  will  be. 

YOU 

What  can  we  do? 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

PROLOGUE 

Believe. 

YOU 

I  can't  believe  what  isn't  real. 

PROLOGUE 

Then  make  it  real.  .  .  .  Here  are  the  cur 
tains.  They  divide  you  and  them.  .  .  .  You 
are  real,  perhaps,  and  they  are  make-believe, 
surely.  When  these  curtains  open  will  you 
come  here,  shall  they  go  there,  or  will  you,  both 
tyou  and  they,  forget  everything  except  the 
play? 

So,  remove  your  hats,  dear  ladies,  fix  your  hair 
once  and  for  all.  Clear  your  throats,  you 
husky  men,  and  cough  now,  for  the  play  be 
gins.  Amongst  you  there  are  some  so  young, 
so  eternally  young,  that  they  will  soon  be  lost 
in  the  story.  Do  not  disturb  them  if  you  have 
forgotten  how  to  play.  So,  remove  your  hats, 
dear  ladies,  fix  your  hair  for  good  and  all. 
Clear  your  throats,  you  husky  men,  and  cough 
now.  See,  the  play  begins. 
(He  claps  his  hands  and  the  curtains  open,  dis 
closing  the  scene.} 

This  play  is  the  story  of  what  happens  when 
one  is  guilty  of  a  breach  of  etiquette. 

YOU 
What  is  etiquette? 

PROLOGUE 

Etiquette?  Why,  etiquette  is  living  according 
to  rules  made  by  people  who  have  never  smiled. 

10 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

.  .  .  We  are  now  outside  the  King's  Palace. 
.  .  .  This  is  a  gate.  Through  this  the  King 
and  the  King's  Great-Aunt  will  come.  The 
King  will  sit  here,  and  the  King's  Great-Aunt 
will  sit  here.  .  .  .  This  is  the  Headsman's 
block,  and  here  the  lovely  Queen  is  to  be  be 
headed  before  the  clocks  strike  twelve  at  mid 
day,  a  half  an  hour  from  now. 

YOU 

Where  is  it? 

PROLOGUE 

Who  can  tell  what  country?  I  wish  I  knew. 
.  .  .  Are  you  ready?  .  .  .  Quiet,  then. 
.  .  .  Here  comes  the  Population;  and  here 
the  Soldiery. 

(The  Prologue  sits  at  the  side  of  the  curtains  oppo 
site  the  Device-Bearer.} 

(The  Population  enters  from  one  side  of  the 
stagey  the  Soldiery  from  the  other;  the  former 
carries  a  bit  of  bread;  the  latter  a  lance  and  a 
silken  cord.} 

POPULATION 

Good-morning,  Soldiery. 

SOLDIERY 

Good-morning,  Population. 

POPULATION 

I've  come  to  see  the  beheading. 

SOLDIERY 

You're  early. 

POPULATION 

I  brought  my  lunch.    I  want  to  see  it  all. 
ii 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

SOLDIERY 

That's  good.     Now  help  me  stretch  the  ropes 
to  keep  the  Population  back. 
POPULATION 

Why  stretch  the  ropes  to  keep  the  Population 
back? 

SOLDIERY 

It  is  the  law. 

POPULATION 

I'm   the   Population,   and   I   promise   that   I'll 
stay  back. 

SOLDIERY 

The  Soldiery  has  always  stretched  the  ropes  to 

hold   the  Population   back.     I   shan't  stop  it 

now,  whether  you  number  one  or  thousands. 

Here,  take  this  end  and  stretch  the  rope. 

(He  sets  his  lance  against  the  block,  and  he  and 

the  Population  stretch  the  rope,  laying  it  very 

carefully  on  the  ground  in  a  half-circled) 
SOLDIERY    (taking  up  his   lance  and  assuming  a 

professional  pose,  bellows) 

You  can't  come  inside  the  ropes,  on  pain  of 

death.     Do  you  hear? 
POPULATION  (obsequiously,  kneeling) 

Yes,  sir. 
SOLDIERY  (setting  down  his  lance  and  assuming  a 

human  tone) 

Thank  you  for  your  help. 
POPULATION 

That's  all  right. 

(He  offers  the  Soldiery  a  crust  of  bread,  which  is 

gratefully  accepted^) 

12 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

(Indeed,  the  Soldiery  is  a  very  excellent  and 
human  person,  and  his  fierce  attitude  with  the 
lance  and  his  bellowing  are  merely  official,  like  a 
uniform,  and  as  easily  removed.  But  the  Sol 
diery  has  associated  bellowing  with  taking  up  his 
lance  so  long  that  he  is  wholly  automatic  now,  as 
he  should  be.} 

POPULATION 

Who  are  they  beheading? 

SOLDIERY 

What  did  you  say? 

POPULATION 

I  said,  "Who  are  they  beheading?" 

SOLDIERY 

Whom? 

POPULATION 

Yes,  who? 

SOLDIERY 

You  mustn't  say  "Who  are  they  beheading?" 
You  must  say  "Whom  are  they  beheading?" 
POPULATION 

Nonsense.  You  don't  say  "Whom  are  you," 
do  you? 

SOLDIERY 

Certainly  not,  but  you  ought  to  say  "Whom 

are  they  beheading?" 
POPULATION 

Well,  you  can — 
SOLDIERY  (taking  up  his  lance,  bellows) 

You  say  "Whom  are  they  beheading!" 

'3 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

POPULATION 

All  right,  if  you  are  going  to  resort  to  force: 
Whom  are  they  beheading? 
SOLDIERY  (putting  his  lance  down} 

I  don't  know.    That's  the  Headsman's  business. 

POPULATION 

I  heard  it  was  the  Queen. 

SOLDIERY 

Mayfo.     I  wish  it  was  the  King's  Great-Aunt. 
(The  Mime  and  the  Milkmaid  enter.) 
POPULATION 

Is  the  King's  Great-Aunt  very  old? 

SOLDIERY 

She's  very  old   and  very  meddlesome.     She's 
into  everything,  and  she  knows  every  law  that's 
ever  passed,  and  she  holds  us  to  them. 
(The  Mime  steps  forward.) 

MIME 

Is  this — 

SOLDIERY  (seeing  him  and  the  Milkmaid  for  the  first 
time,  leaps  for  his  lance  andy  assuming  his  pro 
fessional  pose,  bellows) 

You  can't  come  inside  the  ropes,  on  pain  of 
death!     Do  you  hear? 
(There  is  no  answer.) 
(Bellows  again) 

You  can't  come  inside  the  ropes,  on  pain  of 
death!     Do  you  hear? 

(There  is  no  answer.    The  Soldiery  looks  appeal- 
ingly  at  the  Population) 
Do  you  hear? 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

(Again  no  answer,  and  again  an  appeal  to  the 
Population) 
Do  you  hear? 

POPULATION  (to  the  Milkmaid) 
Say  "Yes,  sir." 

MIME  AND  MILKMAID 

Yes,  sir. 

SOLDIERY  (putting  down  his  lance) 
Why  didn't  you  answer  me  the  first  time? 

MILKMAID 

I  didn't  know  you  wanted  me  to. 

SOLDIERY 

Well,  I  did. 

MILKMAID 

But  you  shouted  so  loud  I  thought  you  weren't 
talking  to  anybody  in  particular. 

SOLDIERY 
It's  the  law. 

MIME  (to  the  Population) 

Some  laws  are  funny,  don't  you  think? 

POPULATION 

I  don't  know.    A  law's  a  law,  and  I'm  the  Pop 
ulation,  and  a  law  is  for  the  Population. 

MIME 

And  now  we  know! 

SOLDIERY 

Who  are  you? 

MIME 

I'm  a  mime. 
POPULATION 
What's  a  mime? 

15 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

MIME 

A  mime's  a  mime. 
SOLDIERY 

What's  a  mime? 
MIME 

A  mime's  a  mountebank. 

MILKMAID 

And  what's  a  mountebank? 

MIME 

A  mountebank's  a  strolling  player. 
SOLDIERY 
Are  you  going  to  perform  for  us? 

MIME 

After  the  decapitation. 
POPULATION 

What's  your  name? 
MIME  (in  action] 

Ho,  for  Jack  the  Juggler!    Would  you  miss  him? 

SOLDIERY 

We  know  all  the  rest  of  that. 

MILKMAID 

You  must  let  him  finish. 

SOLDIERY 

What's  the  use? 

POPULATION 

Let's  have  it,  Jack. 

MIME 

How  can  I  when  you  do  not  let  me  make  my 
speech  ? 

MILKMAID 

Go  on,  we'll  let  you  finish. 
16 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

MIME 

Oh,  no.    I'll  wait  until  the  crowd  is  here. 
POPULATION 
I'm  the  crowd. 

MILKMAID 

Come  on !     Come  on ! 

MIME 

All  right.     .     .     .     Ho,  for  Jack  the  Juggler! 
Would  you  miss  him — 

(A  cry   is  heard,   "Help  the  blind!     Help  the 
blind!"  and  on  top  of  it  just  the  refrain  "Old 
King  Cole  was  a  merry  old  soul.") 
(The  Soldiery  is  on  his  guard  immediately  with 
his  lance  as  the  Blindman  and  the  Ballad-Singer 
enter.) 
SOLDIERY  (bellowing) 

You  can't  come  inside  the  ropes,  on  pain  of 
death!    Do  you  hear? 

MILKMAID 

You'd  better  say,  "Yes,  sir,"  or  he'll  yell  it 
again. 

SOLDIERY  (begins  to  bellow  again) 
You  can't — 

BALLAD-SINGER  AND  BLINDMAN 

Yes,  sir. 
SOLDIERY  (normally) 

I've  got  to  finish  it — (and  again  starts)  come 
inside — 

MIME 

We  know  the  rest  of  it. 
SOLDIERY 

Don't  interfere  with  the  law.    (Continues  bellow- 

17 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

ing)     The  ropes  on  pain  of  death!     Do  you 

hear? 
ALL  (eagerly) 

Yes,  sir! 
SOLDIERY  (putting  down  his  lance) 

Thank  you.    .    .    .    What  are  you  doing  here? 

MILKMAID 

I  came  to  see  the  beheading. 

BLINDMAN 

And  I,  that  I  might  tell  about  it. 

SINGER 

And  I,  that  I  might  sing  to  the  crowd. 
MIME 

And  I,  that  I  might  dazzle  you. 
POPULATION 

Everybody's   here — except   the   Queen.     Why 

not  begin? 

MILKMAID 

They  can't  find  the  Queen. 
POPULATION 
Where  is  she? 

MILKMAID 

They've  offered  a  reward  for  her — 
POPULATION 

A  reward? 
MIME 

How  much? 

MILKMAID 

A  pail  of  gold  and  a  pair  of  finger-rings. 
POPULATION 
Why  don't  you  find  her,  Soldiery? 

18 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

SOLDIERY 

No  one  told  me  to. 

BLINDMAN 

You  say  the  reward  is  a  pail  of  gold  and  a  pair 

of  finger-rings  ? 
SINGER 

That's  what  she  said.    I  know — 
SOLDIERY  (taking  up  his  lance) 

What  do  you  know? 

BLINDMAN 

Nothing. 

SINGER 

Nothing. 

SOLDIERY 

But  you  said  "7  know."    Is  it  about  the  Queen? 

What  do  you  know  about  the  Queen? 
SINGER 

Shall  I  sing  you  a  ballad? 
POPULATION 

Yes,  sing  a  ballad. 

SOLDIERY 

What  do  you  know  about  the  Queen? 

MILKMAID 

Oh,  let  him  sing  a  ballad. 

SOLDIERY 

I  must  do  my  duty.    What  do  you  know  about 

the  Queen  ? 

(The  King's  Trumpeter  enters  and  stands  at  the 

center  of  the  gate.    He  blows  a  noble  blast  on  his 

trumpet.) 

19 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

TRUMPETER 

His  Majesty,  the  King! 

(All  kneel  except  the   Trumpeter  as  the   King 
enters,  followed  by  his  Councillor.) 
(The  Trumpeter  blows  a  lesser  blast.) 
Her  Highness,  the  King's  Great-Aunt. 
(The  King's  Great-Aunt  enters.) 
(She  and  the  King  seat  themselves  ceremoniously^) 
(The  Councillor  bows  between  the  King  and  the 
Kings  Great-Aunt^) 

(A  mechanical  chant  is  the  official  way  of  con 
ducting  cases  here,  and  a  man  must  learn  by  rote 
what  he  must  say  at  trials,  be  he  King  or  Coun 
cillor^) 

COUNCILLOR  (in  a  stiff,  mechanical  chant) 

Your  Majesty,  it  is  our  duty  to  inform  you 
that  your  wife,  the  Queen,  is  to  be  beheaded, 
in  compliance  with  the  law,  while  your  Majesty's 
four  clocks  are  striking  twelve. 

KING  (chanting) 
Who  is  the  aggrieved  person? 

COUNCILLOR  (chanting} 

The  aggrieved  sits  on  your  left. 

MILKMAID  (whispering) 

Doesn't  the  King  know  his  wife  is  to  be  be 
headed  ? 

POPULATION  (whispering) 
Of  course  he  does. 

MILKMAID 

Then  why  do  they  tell  him  here? 
POPULATION 
It  is  the  law. 

20 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

SOLDIERY  (bellowing,  after  he  is  quite  sure  he  has 

heard  the  entire  conversation) 

Silence! 
KING  (chanting) 

Then  let  the  aggrieved  speak. 
COUNCILLOR  (chanting) 

His   Majesty   the   King   bids   you   speak   your 

grievance  which  is  just  cause  for  the  Queen's 

beheading. 
KING'S  GREAT-AUNT  (chanting) 

Last  night  we  were  celebrating  the  second  year 

of  peace  with  the  neighboring  kingdom.     We 

were  dancing  the  minuet  after  the  banquet — 
MILKMAID  (whispering} 

Does  the  old  lady  dance? 
POPULATION  (whispering) 

She  tries  to. 
SOLDIERY  (bellowing) 

Silence! 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

When    the   Queen — (forgetting   to    chant)    your 
wife — 

(The  Councillor  coughs  and  she  chants  again) 
stepped  on  the  ring-toe  of  the  King's  Great- 
Aunt. 

KING  (chanting} 
What  is  your  demand? 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT  (chanting) 

I  demand  that  the  aforesaid  Queen  be  beheaded. 

KING 

By  what  authority? 

21 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

According  to  the  law. 

KING 

Is  there  such  a  law? 

COUNCILLOR 

There  is. 

KING 

Read  the  law. 

COUNCILLOR  (unrolling  a  parchment^  reads) 
Whereas,  if  a  Queen  step  on  the  ring-toe  of  the 
King's  Great-Aunt,  or  any  member  of  her 
family;  Be  it  resolved,  the  aforesaid  Queen 
must  be  beheaded  while  the  King's  four  clocks 
are  striking  twelve  at  mid-day. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

I  demand  the  execution  of  the  law. 
KING 

We,  the  King,  decree  that  our  wife  the  Queen 

be  beheaded  to-day  while  our  four  clocks  are 

striking  twelve  at  mid-day. 
COUNCILLOR 

The  culprit  will  kneel. 
MILKMAID  (whispering) 

Where  is  the  culprit? 
SOLDIERY  (bellowing) 

Silence! 

(Naturally)  She  isn't  here. 
KING  (rising) 

It  is  not  in  our  power  to  pardon  you,  oh,  guilty 

Queen.    Gracefulness  is  a  royal  possession,  and 

when  a  Queen  is  no  longer  graceful  she  can  no 

longer  live. 

22 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT  (naturally) 

The  Queen  isn't  here. 
KING 

The  law  will  take  its  course. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

Where  is  the  Queen  ? 
COUNCILLOR 

I've  offered  a  pail  of  gold  and  a  pair  of  finger- 
rings  for  her  apprehension. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

Two  pails  of  gold  if  she  is  found! 

BLINDMAN 

Is  that  a  promise,  your  Highness? 
SOLDIERY  (bellows) 
Silence! 

(Normally)    Royalty  can't  take  back  any  state 
ments. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

I  mean — 
KING 

We  heard  what  you  said.    We  shall  judge  what 

you  meant. 
COUNCILLOR 

It  is  on  the  stroke  of  twelve,  your  Majesty,  and 

there  is  no  Queen,  no  culprit. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

Are  the  laws  of  our  country  to  be  held  up  to 

ridicule?    Find  the  Queen!    Four  pails  of  gold 

if  she  be  found! 

(The  kneeling  commoners  are  excited?) 

Six  pails  of  gold  and  six  pairs  of  finger-rings! 

(The  King's  clocks  begin  to  strike,  but  not  in 

23 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

unison.  First  there  is  one  large  oney  then  two 
smaller  ones,  and  finally  a  tiny  one.} 
(During  the  striking  of  the  clocks  there  is  great 
excitement.  The  spectators  almost  forget  their 
manners  before  royalty.  The  Councillor  buzzes 
around.  The  Kings  Great-Aunt  cries  out  again 
and  again,  "Where  is  the  Queen?"  "Where  is 
.  the  culprit?"  The  Soldiery,  lance  in  hand,  bel 
lows  his  familiar  call,  "You  can't  come  inside  the 
ropes."  The  Trumpeter  blows  his  trumpet.  The 
King  stands  up  and  counts  the  strokes  of  the 
clocks.} 

KING  (at  the  twelfth  stroke  of  the  tiny  clock} 
The  Queen  is  free!    I  now  decree  a  holiday  to 
all  the  land.     And  everybody  can  go  to  hunt 
the  Queen. 

SINGER 

And  if  I  find  the  Queen  I  shall  get  six  pails  of 
gold  and  six  pairs  of  finger-rings  ? 

MILKMAID 

That  was  the  promise  of  the  King's  Great- 
Aunt. 

SOLDIERY 

Silence! 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

I  said — 

KING 

You  said  just  that.  The  King's  Great-Aunt  will 
give  six  pails  of  gold  and  six  pairs  of  finger- 
rings  to  the  one  who  finds  the  Queen. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

I  refuse — 

24 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

KING 

Royalty  cannot  refuse  to  fulfill  a  promise! 
And  to  the  offer  of  my  aunt  I  shall  add  six 
more  pails  of  gold. 

BLINDMAN 

Can  they  behead  the  Queen  now  if  they  find 
her? 

KING 

They  can  not. 

BLINDMAN 

Then  I  can  find  her,  your  Majesty. 

KING 

Where  is  she?    Come  here  and  tell  me. 

(As  the   Blindman   steps  forward,  the   Soldiery 

bellows  "You  can't  come  inside  the  ropes") 
KING 

Come  here! 
COUNCILLOR 

He  cannot  approach  your  Majesty.    ...    It 

is  the  law. 
SINGER 

I  can  find  the  Queen,  your  Majesty! 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

Off  with   their  worthless   heads!     They  have 
aided  the  escape  of  the  culprit! 
KING 
No,  I  decree — 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

The  law!    The  law! 

COUNCILLOR 

Her  Highness  is  right,  your  Majesty.    The  law 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

states  that  anyone  guilty  of  aiding  a  culprit  to 
escape  must  be  beheaded. 
SINGER 

We  did  not  aid. 

BLINDMAN 

No,  we  did  not. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

The  word  of  a  commoner  cannot  stand. 

COUNCILLOR 

Soldiery,  do  your  duty! 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

Now,  we  shall  have  a  beheading  after  all! 
SOLDIERY  (to  Singer  and  Blindmari) 
Come  on,  step  up! 

MILKMAID 

Mercy,  have  mercy! 

SOLDIERY 

Step  up. 

(The  Ballad-Singer  and  the  Blindman  walk  to 
the  side  of  the  block  and  there  the  Soldiery  binds 
them  together,  all  the  while  they  protest  their  in 
nocence.) 

(At  this  moment  the  Headsman  is  heard,  "Her 
Majesty  the  ^ueen  and  Sir  David  Little-Boy. 
Her  Majesty  the  ^ueen  and  Sir  David  Little- 
Boy.")  ' 

(The  Headsman,  bearing  his  ax,  enters  in  his 
own  stately  way,  and  with  the  utmost  dignity 
starts  to  approach  the  King,  but  as  he  nears  the 
rope,  the  Soldiery  bellows  his  command,  "You 
can't  come  inside  the  ropes"  The  Headsman 
stops  short,  but  slays  the  Soldiery  with  a  glance.) 

26 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

HEADSMAN 

The  King's  Headsman,  the  Winder  of  the  King's 
Four  Clocks — 

SOLDIERY 

You  can't  come  inside  the  ropes,  on  pain  of 
death.  Do  you  hear? 

HEADSMAN 

Yes,  I  hear.  (Then  he  calls  with  refined  dignity) 
Her  Majesty  the  Queen  and  Sir  David  Little- 
Boy! 

(The  Queen  and  the  Boy  enter.  The  boy  suddenly 
becomes  very  conscious  of  being  in  the  presence  of 
the  King.) 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

Oh,  there  you  are! 

KING 

My  Queen ! 

COUNCILLOR 

It  is  not  etiquette,  your  Majesty. 
KING  (recalling  the  proper  procedure,  chants) 

Who  is  this  before  us? 
QUEEN  (chanting) 

It  is  your  wife,  the  Queen. 
KING 

And  who  stands  beside  our  Queen? 
BOY 

I'm— 

SOLDIERY 

Silence! 

QUEEN 

This  is  Sir  David  Little-Boy. 
27 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

COUNCILLOR 

There  is  no  Sir  David  Little-Boy  in  the  royal 
almanac,  your  Majesty. 
KING 

Who  is  this  Sir  David  Little-Boy,  Sir  Heads 
man? 

HEADSMAN 

He  helped  the  Queen  to  escape. 

BLINDMAN 

Is  that  the  little  boy  who  gave  me  the  lentils 
when  I  was  hungry,  and  who  would  not  break 
a  promise? 

SINGER 

It's  the  little  boy  to  whom  I  sang  two  ballads. 

BOY 

Queen,  why  are  my  two  friends  bound  to 
gether? 

QUEEN 

Sir  David,  first  we  must  tell  them  who  you  are. 
BOY  (stepping forward) 
I— 

HEADSMAN 

Address  the  King. 
BOY 
King— 

HEADSMAN 

That's  not  the  way. 
BOY 
What  do  I  do? 

HEADSMAN 

Watch  me.    (He  struts  forward  and  kneels  ^ 
Your  Majesty — see,  that  way. 

28 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

BOY  (imitating  the  Headsman  as  only  a  little  boy 
can  imitate  his  elders) 

Your  Majesty,  I  am  the  little  boy  who  lives  in 
the  yellow  cottage  on  the  short-cut  to  the 
headsman's  block. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

How  does  it  happen  that  you  are  called  Sir 
David,  upstart? 
BOY 

I'm  not  an  upstart.  The  Queen  called  me  Sir 
David  Little-Boy. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

What  right  has  the  Queen  to  create  a  knight? 
Well? 

QUEEN 

By  the  law  passed  by  my  great-great-grand 
father. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

There  is  no  such  law. 

QUEEN 

Oh,  yes,  there  is,  Aunt. 

COUNCILLOR 

I  think  your  Majesty's  memory  fails. 
QUEEN 

It  does  not  fail. 
BOY 

Queen,  I  won't  be  Sir  David  if  it  will  cause  you 

trouble. 
QUEEN 

A  Queen  has  one  trouble  or  another,  but  this 

will  be  my  last. 

29 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

Will  you  permit  this  insolence,  your  Majesty? 
KING 

Her  Majesty  the  Queen  claims  a  law.    Can  she 

produce  the  law? 
QUEEN 

I  can,  your  Majesty. 
KING 

Where  is  it? 

QUEEN 

Here  (she  takes  a  scroll  from  her  dress}.    I  found 
it  in  the  room  of  the  King's  Great-Aunt. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

By  what  right  does   a  Queen   steal  into  my 

apartment?     Seize  her! 

(The  Soldiery  starts  to  take  the  Queen.) 
KING 

Hands  off  the  Queen ! 

(The  Queen  takes  a  step  to  cross  the  ropes.) 
SOLDIERY  (bellows') 

You  can't  come  inside  the  ropes,  on  pain  of 

death.     Do  you  hear? 
QUEEN 

But  I'm  the  Queen. 
SOLDIERY  (normally) 

Duty  is  duty,  your  Majesty,  law  is  law.     (Bel 
lowing)  You  can't  come  inside  the  ropes,  on 

pain  of  death.    Do  you  hear? 
QUEEN 

Yes,  I  hear. 

3° 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

KING 

Sir  Headsman,  bring  me  the  law. 

(The  Headsman  is  about  to  obey.} 
SOLDIERY  (bellows) 

You  can't  come  inside  the  ropes,  on  pain  of 

death.     Do  you  hear? 
KING 

Then  I  shall  go  to  the  Queen. 
COUNCILLOR 

Your  Majesty,  it  is  not  fitting. 

BLINDMAN 

I  am  about  to  die,  oh,  Queen;  let  me  give  the 
law. 

QUEEN 

About  to  die? 

BOY 

He  is  my  friend!    ...     If  the  ropes  weren't 

there  could  I  take  the  law  to  the  King? 
QUEEN 

Surely. 
BOY 

Let's  take  the  ropes  away. 
QUEEN 

Alas,  it  can't  be  done. 
BOY 

Let's  coil  the  ropes. 
QUEEN 

How? 

BOY 

So.    (He  quickly  coils  the  ropes.) 
31 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

SOLDIERY  (bellows) 

You  can't  come  inside  the  ropes,  on  pain  of 

death.     Do  you  hear? 
BOY 

You  can't  get  inside  the  ropes!    There  isn't  any 

inside. 
QUEEN  (going  to  the  king) 

Here  is  the  law,  your  Majesty. 
KING  (about  to  embrace  her) 

My  Queen ! 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

I  protest. 

COUNCILLOR 

It  is  not  seemly,  your  Majesty.     .     .     .     I'll 
take  the  law. 

KING 

Read  the  law. 

COUNCILLOR 

It  may  be  better  to  discuss  it  first. 

KING 
Read  the  law! 

COUNCILLOR  (reading) 

Whereas,  all  relatives  have  had  an  upper  hand 
in  my  kingdom  for  three  generations  and  have 
passed  laws  that  make  it  difficult  for  our 
Queens;  Be  it  resolved,  that  all  such  laws  shall 
stand,  because  etiquette  and  discipline  are  good 
for  all  mankind,  but  should  there  ever  be  a 
Queen  who  can  escape  the  punishments  devised 
by  relatives  she  shall  be  absolute,  and  there 
after  her  word  will  be  the  law,  for  any  woman 
32 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

who    can    outwit    her    husband's    relatives    is 

worthy  to  rule  a  nation. 
QUEEN 

I  have  escaped.    I  claim  the  reward  of  the  law. 
KING 

Your  word  is  absolute.     Henceforth  you  are 

the  law. 
KING'S  GREAT-AUNT  (feathering  her  nest) 

Dearest,  mount  the  throne. 
QUEEN 

Nay,    I    shall    mount    the    Headman's    block. 

(She  mounts  the  Headman's  block^  and  she  is 

very  beautiful?) 

I,  the  Queen — 
COUNCILLOR 

Your  Majesty,  it  is  proper  to  say  "We,  the 

Queen"- 

QUEEN 

I,  the  Queen,  do  first  hereby  reiterate  that  this 

brave  knight  is  Sir  David  Little-Boy.    Second, 

that — 
COUNCILLOR 

You  should  chant  it,  your  Majesty. 
QUEEN  (still  in  normal  tones) 

Second,  that  the  office  of  King's  Councillor  be 

vacant;  third,  that  the  King's  Great-Aunt  give 

up  her  ring  or  her  ring-toe — 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

Mercy!    I  am  too  old  to  lose  my  ring!    I  should 
die  without  my  ring-toe! 
QUEEN 

Very  well,  you  shall  keep  your  ring  and  your 
toe;  but  when  we  dance  the  minuet  you  must 

33 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

sit  on  your  foot,  for  in  future  I  shall  step  when 
and  where  I  please.  .  .  .  Sit  on  your  foot! 
(The  Kings  Great-Aunt  sits  on  her  foot  and 
wails.} 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

What  is  the  country  coming  to!     (But  she  is 

very  glad  to  save  her  toe.) 
YOU  (in  the  audience) 

Pshaw!  this  play  is  just  like  every  other  one. 
PROLOGUE 

It  isn't  over  yet.    You  just  wait. 

QUEEN 

Fourth,  the  Soldiery  must  lay  down  his  arms. 
SOLDIERY  (bellows) 
You  can't  come — 

QUEEN 

Lay  down  your  arms! 
SOLDIERY 

Pardon  me,  your  Majesty,  it  was  habit.     (He 

lays  down  his  lance.) 
QUEEN 

Loose  the  bonds  from  the  Blindman  and  the 

Ballad-Singer. 

(The  Soldiery  does  so.) 

Sir  David,  your  hand. 

(The  Boy,  in  a  glow  of  wonder ,  steps  forward.) 

Here  are  your  friends. 

KING'S  GREAT-AUNT 

A  noble  cannot  have  friends  among  the  com 
moners! 
QUEEN 
Quite  true.    Quite  true.    .    .    .     Mime,    step 

34 


forward.  .  .  .  Kneel.  .  .  .  Arise,  Sir 
Mime.  Every  Friday  afternoon  you  shall  have 
an  hour's  sport  with  Sir  David  Little-Boy. 

MIME 

Please,  your  Majesty,  I  must  wander  far  away 
in  search  of  farthings  from  the  crowds  of  all 
the  world. 

QUEEN 

You  make  men  happy  with  your  play.     We 

give  you  farthings.    You  will  not  want. 

(As  she  speaks  to  each  of  the  others^  she  makes 

the  gesture  of  knighting  him.) 

(They  kneel  together.) 

QUEEN 

To  you,  sweet  Lady  Milkmaid,  I  give  a  spotted 
cow;  to  you,  Sir  Blindman,  a  cushion  and  a 
canopy  at  the  castle  gate;  to  you,  Sir  Ballad- 
Singer,  a  vermilion  cloak.  Arise.  And  now, 
Sir  Little-Boy — (She  leans  over  him)  to  you  who 
saved  my  life,  to  you  who  kept  your  promise, 
for  your  mother  I  give  a  velvet  gown,  a  silken 
kerchief,  and  a  cloth-of-gold  bonnet,  and  for 
yourself  I  give  a  milk-white  palfrey,  two  pails 
of  gold,  two  finger-rings,  a  castle,  and  a  sword. 
Sir  Councillor — 

(The  Councillor  comes  forward  and  she  whispers 
in  his  ear.) 

COUNCILLOR 
The  little  one,  your  Majesty? 

QUEEN 

The  best  one,  Sir  Councillor! 
(The  Councillor  goes  into  the  Castle.) 

35 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

QUEEN 

Court  is  dismissed!  Your  Highness,  my  hus 
band's  Great-Aunt,  you  may  go  to  your  room. 
You  have  caused  us  years  of  anguish;  but  I 
forgive  you.  Trumpeter,  lead  her  Highness 
away  in  state. 

(The  Trumpeter  blows  a  little  blast  and  exits, 
shouting  "Make  way  for  her  Highness,  the  Kings 
Great-Aunt!"} 

(The  Kings  Great-Aunt  rises  with  difficulty  and 
waddles  away  in  defeat.} 
KING'S  GREAT-AUNT  (mumbling) 
I  never  thought  I'd  live  to  see  the  day — but 
times  have  changed.    (Exits  into  the  Castle.} 

QUEEN 

The  Population  may  go  into  the  gardens.    The 

Soldiery  may  take  a  holiday. 

(The  Population  and  the  Soldiery  go  out  arm  in 

arm.} 

Sir  Headsman,  you  may  take  your  ax  to  the 

museum. 
BOY 

Queen,  can  he  come  back  and  tell  me  stories? 

QUEEN 

Whenever  you  may  wish.    .    .    . 
(The  Headsman  starts  to  go} 

BOY 

Sir  Headsman — 

HEADSMAN  (magnificent  to  the  end} 
Sir  Headsman — 

36 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 


BOY 

Sir  Headsman — 

HEADSMAN 

Alas,  Sir  Headsman,  no  more.  I  am  now  only 
the  Winder  of  the  King's  Four  Clocks. 

BOY 
Sir  Winder  of  the  King's  Four  Clocks,  I — 

HEADSMAN  (with  the  ghost  of  a  smile} 

Sir  Winder  of  the  King's  Four  Clocks !  That 
is  the  longest  title  in  the  kingdom.  There  is 
some  consolation  in  that.  .  .  .  Well? 

BOY  (looking  at  the  Queen  s  neck) 

You  said  your  ax  was  so  sharp  it  would  cut  a 
hair  in  two. 

HEADSMAN 

I  did  and  it  will. 

BOY 
How  could  it? 

HEADSMAN 

Easily.  This  way.  (He  swings  it  downward 
with  all  the  grace  of  achieving  his  swan's  song 
with  it.)  See? 

BOY 

How  do  you  spell  hair? 

HEADSMAN 

H-A-R-E,  of  course.     How  else? 

BOY 
Why,  H-A-I-R. 

37 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

HEADSMAN 

I  never  quibble. 

(He  bows  to   the  Queen,   the  crowd,   and   You 

superbly;  and  he  departs?) 

PROLOGUE 

He  is  going  to  the  Museum  where  other  relics 
are;  but  civilization  will  always  respect  him  and 
remember  his  ax  and  keep  it  sharp. 
(The  Queen  takes  her  place   where  the   King's 
Great-Aunt  had  sat.} 

QUEEN 

And  now  my  friends  and  friends  of  Sir  David, 
you  may  say  good-bye.     In  an  hour  we  shall 
meet    in    the    banqueting    hall    for    pies    and 
cherry  tarts  and  cakes  and  things. 
(The  Mime  steps  forward.} 

MIME 

Sir  David  Little-Boy,  I  am  your  slave. 

(He  bows  very  deeply  and  lays  his  hand  in  the 

Boy's.     When  he  has  gone  Sir  David  finds  that 

he  is  clasping  a  golden  ball.} 

(The  Milkmaid  comes  to  Sir  David.} 

MILKMAID 

Isn't  it  wonderful! 

(And  before  he  knows  it  she  has  thrown  her  arms 

around  his  neck  and  kissed  him  and  passed  on.} 

(He  doesn't  know  whether  to  smile  or  blush,  but 

he  does  hang  his  head.} 

(The  Blindman  shuffles  up  to  him.} 

38 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

BLINDMAN 

You  only  have   to  close  your  eyes   to  make 
things  true.     (And  passes  on.) 
(The  Ballad-Singer  comes.) 

SINGER 

Hello! 

BOY 

Sing  me  a  ballad. 
SINGER 

Later — perhaps. 
BOY 

No,  now. 

QUEEN 

Just  for  us. 

(The  Boy  sits  between  her  and  the  King  on  the 
step  at  their  feet.     The  Ballad-Singer  sits  close 
beside  him.) 
SINGER 

This  is  the  Ballad  of  the  Silver  Star  and  the 
Crescent  Moon. 
(Sings  to  the  wondering  Boy.) 

Oh,  a  silver  star  and  a  crescent  moon 
Afloat  in  the  sunset  sky 
Can  make  a  smile  on  a  scowling  face, 
Tho'  the  face  be  you  or  I. 

For  the  silver  star  and  the  crescent  moon 
Are  like  memories  afar — 
We  always  dream  at  the  guarded  gate 
And  pass  the  gate  ajar. 

39 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

There's  a  moral  to  my  little  song, 

For  hearts  bowed  down  and  hearts  in  tune — 

The  silver  star  is  a  distant  dream 

And  a  waxing  hope  is  the  crescent  moon. 

Good-bye.  And  don't  forget  that  the  King's 
Great- Aunt  owes  you  six  pails  of  gold.  Good 
bye. 

(He  dashes  off.) 

(The  Boy  sits  in  wonder  a  moment  and  then 
looks  first  at  the  smiling  <j)ueen,  then  at  the  pleasant 
King.  He  takes  the  knife  from  his  pouch  and 
shows  it  to  the  King.) 

BOY 

Have  you  seen  my  knife? 

(The  King  slips  down  beside  him,  which  makes 

the  Boy  gasp.    It  isn't  everybody  who  sits  beside 

a  King.) 
KING 

We  had  a  little  boy  like  you,  and  he  loved  his 

knife.    .    .    .    He  was  a  Prince.    .    .    .    How 

would  you  like  to  be  a  Prince? 
BOY 

I  think— I'd  like  it. 

(He  is  almost  breathless,  talking  to  a  King!) 

(The  Councillor  enters  and  hands  something  to 

the  Queen.) 
KING 

And  would  you  like  to  be  my  son? 

BOY 

Yes,  sir. 

40 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

QUEEN 

And  mine? 

(As  she  sits  beside  him.    Now  they  are  not  like 

King  and  Queen  and  a  little  Knight.     They  are 

just  three  people  sitting  together.) 
BOY  (to  the  lovely  Queen) 

Next  to  my  mother  I  like  you. 
KING 

If  you  were  our  little  boy,  some  day  you  would 

be  a  King. 
BOY 

Oh — I  couldn't  be  a  King. 
QUEEN 

Why  not? 

BOY 

I  wouldn't  know  what  to  do. 

KING 

There  are  many  kings  who  do  not  know  what 

to  do. 
QUEEN 

And  think  of  all  the  happiness  you  could  make. 
BOY 

Could  I  do  whatever  I  wanted  to  do? 
KING 

If  you  were  wise. 
BOY 

Could  I  give  a  ring  to  the  Blindman  ? 

KING 

Oh,  yes. 
BOY 
And  ask  him  in? 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

QUEEN 

Surely. 

BOY 

Then — would  I  have  to  have  a  Great-Aunt? 
KING 
Not  now. 

BOY 

Or  a  Councillor? 

QUEEN 

All  that  is  abolished  now. 

BOY 

Then — you're  sure  I  wouldn't  have  a  Great- 
Aunt? 

QUEEN 
Quite  sure. 

BOY 
Then — I'd  like  to  be  a  king! 

QUEEN 

All  right.    Shut  your  eyes. 

BOY 

Oh,  I  know — the  Blindman  told  me  to  shut  my 
eyes  to  make  things  come  true. 
(He  shuts  his  eyes  very  tight.  The  Queen  un 
wraps  the  something  which  the  Councillor  brought. 
It  is  a  beautiful  crown.  She  places  it  on  the 
boy's  head.} 

QUEEN 

Open  your  eyes! 

(He  opens  his  eyes  and  his  hands  steal  up  to  the 
crown.    He  can't  believe  his  touch.) 

BOY 

Oh! 

42 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

QUEEN 

How  do  you  feel? 
BO-Y  (gasping) 
All  right. 

KING 

You  are  a  Prince  now. 

(He  takes  a  cape  from  his  shoulder  and  throws  it 

about  the  Boy's  shoulders.) 

Arise,  my  Son  and  Prince. 

(The  Boy  stands  up,  and  he  looks  every  inch  a 

little  king  in  his  crown  and  robe.) 

BOY 

Am  I  a  real  prince? 
QUEEN 

As  real  as  the  King  or  I. 

(The  Boy  walks  a  princely  step  or  two,  when  a 
voice  is  heard  calling  "David!  David!"  It  is  the 
sweetest  voice  in  the  world,  and  it  is  sad  and 
troubled  now.  The  Boy  stops  short.) 

BOY 

My  mother! 
VOICE 
David! 

BOY 

I  am  here,  Mother. 

(The  mother  enters.  She  is  the  most  beautiful 
woman  in  the  world — like  your  mother  and  mine, 
but  her  eyes  are  wide  with  fear.) 

MOTHER 

David!  Oh,  I  thought  T  had  lost  you!  My 
boy!  my  boy! 

43 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

BOY 

Mother,  I  am  a  Prince. 
MOTHER 

Oh,  my  little  dream-boy,  you  are  always  my 

Prince.    Why  did  you  run  away? 
BOY 

I  didn't  run  away.     I  came  to  save  the  Queen. 

And  now  I  am  a  Prince. 

MOTHER 

The  Queen  ?     A  Prince ! 

(She  sees  the  King  and  ^ueen.) 

Oh,  your  Majesties!    (And  bows  very  low.) 
QUEEN 

Arise,  Lady  Little-Boy.     We  have  made  your 

boy  our  son  and  heir. 
MOTHER 

Does  that  mean — I  must — he  must  go  from — 

me? 
KING 

When  his  country  calls  he  must  go. 
BOY 

You  mean  I  must  leave  my  mother? 
KING 

Some  day  you  must  leave  her. 
BOY  (to  his  mother) 

But  don't  you  need  me  now? 

MOTHER 

David,  if  you  are  meant  to  be  a  king,  I  want 
you  to  be  a  king. 

44 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

QUEEN 

We'll  leave  you  here  together.     You  can  tell 

him  what  you  know. 

(She  understands  what  ait  women  understand.} 

KING 

Farewell,  my  Prince. 

QUEEN 

My  little  boy! 

(They  leave  the  mother  and  the  boy  together.} 

MOTHER 

David,  isn't  it  wonderful! 
BOY 

Mother,  did  they  mean  I  had  to  leave  you? 

MOTHER 

You  will  be  a  king. 
BOY 

I  can't  leave  you. 

(He  sits  disconsolately  on  the  step  of  the  Kings 

seat.} 
MOTHER  (sitting  beside  him} 

You  are  going  to  grow  up  to  be  a  great,  fine 

man,  my  David-Boy,  and  you  will  be  a  king. 

Some  day  you  would  have  to  leave  me  anyway 

— to   go   out   into    the   world   and   seek   your 

fortune. 
BOY 

But  not  so  soon. 

MOTHER 

I'll  be  near,  and  I'll  see  you  every  day.     You 
will  be  a  king,  my  boy! 

45 


PORTMANTEAU  ADAPTATIONS 

BOY 

You'll  be  all  alone. 

MOTHER 

Oh,  no,  my  boy,  never  alone.     For  every  hour 
of  every  day  I'll  think  of  you  and  dream  of  you. 
BOY 
Who'll  help  you  work? 

MOTHER 

There'll  be  no  work.  It  will  all  be  play,  for 
my  boy  is  going  to  be  a  king. 

BOY  (as  he  leans  his  head  against  her  shoulder] 
Oh,  Mother,  I'm  so  tired! 

MOTHER  (placing  her  arm  about  him) 

I  know.  Do  you  remember  how  I  used  to  sing 
a  little  lullaby  to  you  when  you  were  tired? 

BOY  (his  eyes  are  heavy  with  sleep) 
Uh-huh. 

(The  mother  hums  softly  as  she  places  her  cheek 
against  his  head>  but  the  crown  interferes  some 
what.} 

BOY 

Sing  it  out.    I  like  the  words. 
MOTHER  (singing) 

Sleep,  Davie,  sleep — 
BOY 

No,  I  like  the  old  words — the  ones  when  I  was 
a  little  boy. 
MOTHER 

Sleep,  baby,  sleep — 
Close  your  tired  eyes; 
Here's  a  kiss  from  father, 
To  make  you  wealthy; 
46 


SIR  DAVID  WEARS  A  CROWN 

Here's  a  kiss  from  mother, 

To  make  you  healthy; 

And  God  the  Father  blows  a  kiss 

To  make  you  wise. 

Sleep,  baby,  sleep. 

Close  your  tired  eyes. 

(The  Boy  snuggles  against  his  mother  and  then 
reaches  up  and  takes  off  the  crown.  She  carefully 
places  it  beside  her  and  continues  her  lullaby  as 
the  curtains  close.) 

YOU  (in  the  audience] 

Well,  will  he  be  a  king  or  not? 

PROLOGUE 
His  mother  knows. 

(The  Prologue  and  the  Device-Bearer  bow  and 
disappear.) 

(The  ladies  may  arrange  their  hair  and  the  gen 
tlemen  may  cough  to  their  throats'  content.) 

THE  CURTAINS  CLOSE 


47 


SHORT   PLAYS 

BY  MARY  MAcMILLAN 


To  fill  a  long-felt  want.  All  have  been  successfully  pre 
sented.  Suitable  for  Women's  Clubs,  Girls'  Schools,  etc. 
While  elaborate  enough  for  big  presentation,  they  may  be 
given  very  simply. 

This  volume  contains  ten  Plays: 

The  Shadowed  Star  has  six  women,  one  boy;  may  all  be  taken 
by  women.  Time,  present.  Scene,  in  a  tenement  Christmas 
Eve.  One  act,  45  minutes. 

The  Ring.  Costume  play.  Time,  days  of  Shakespeare.  Three 
women,  seven  men.  Scene,  interior.  One  act,  45  minutes. 

The  Rose.  One  woman,  two  men.  Time,  Elizabethan.  Scene, 
castle  interior.  One  act,  30  minutes.  Song  introduced. 

Luck.  Four  short  acts.  Time,  present.  Interior  scene. 
Seven  women,  six  men.  Comedy. 

Entre'  Acte.  Costume  play.  Time,  present.  Scene,  interior. 
Two  women,  one  man.  Contains  a  song.  One  act. 

A  Woman  s  a  Woman  for  A'  That.  Time,  present.  Interior 
scene.  One  act,  45  minutes.  Three  women,  two  men.  Comedy. 

A  Fan  and  Two  Candlesticks.  Costume  play,  Colonial  times. 
Scene,  interior.  Two  men,  one  woman.  One  act,  20  to  30 
minutes.  Written  in  rhymed  couplets. 

A  Modern  Masque.  Time,  present.  Scene,  outdoors.  Fan 
tastic,  written  in  prose  and  verse.  Costume  play  in  one  act, 
30  minutes  or  more.  Four  women,  three  men. 

The  Futurists.  One-act  farce,  of  the  first  woman's  club  of  the 
early  eighties.  Interior.  Forty-five  minutes  Eight  women. 

The  Gate  of  Wishes.  One-act  fantasy.  Outdoors.  Half  hour. 
One  girl,  one  man.  Singing  voices  of  fairies. 

Handsomely  bound  and  uniform  with  S.  &?  K.  Dramatic  Series. 
I2mo.   Cloth,  Net,  $2.50;   ^  Turkey  Morocco,  Net,  $8.50. 

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LUCKY  PEHR August  Strindberg  2.50 

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EASTER August  Strindberg  2.50 

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THE  HAMLET  PROBLEM  AND  ITS  SOLUTION 

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MANSIONS Hildegarde  Planner  .50 

THE  SHEPHERD  IN  THE  DISTANCE.  .  Holland  Hudson  .50 

HEARTS  TO  MEND H.  A .  Overstreet  .50 

SHAM Frank  G.  Tompkins  .50 

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UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


FEBl 


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Form  L9-32m-8,'57(,C8680s4)444 


Biro    (Lajos) — The   Grandmother 
ITALY 

Giocosa  (Giuseppe) — The  Rights  of  the  Soul 
RUSSIA 

Andreyev  (Leonid) — Love  of  One's  Neigh 
bor 

Tchekoff  (Anton)— The  Boor 


Tompkins  (Frank  G.) — Sham 
Walker  (Stuart) — The  Medicine  Sho| 
Wellman  (Rita)— For  All  Time 
Wilde  (Percival) — The  Finger  of  Gel 
YIDDISH 

Ash  (Sholom)— Night 

Pinski  (David) — Forgotten  Souls 


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